on the fifteenth
day of christmas...

"I'm starting to wish for gravy." -a.
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January 6:
What a great day to make ourselves sick! We decided to break out of the routine and do something beneficial to humankind: Find the best fries in Thunder Bay! We sampled fries from fifteen different sources, and here are our results.

These results have been ranked best to worst, but we have also included valuable information such as price, time spent waiting, and approximate number of fries received, along with a few word summary.

The Winner: Swiss Chalet
($1.92, 4 min, 150 fries)
These were the best by a narrow margin, but they won us over with their crisp outer crunch, the taste of a higher quality oil, and the chinese food carrying case. Yum!

#2: Kentucky Fried Chicken
($1.38, 5 min, 50 fries)
"Good texture; crispy."
#3: New York Fries
($3.00, 0 min, 250 fries)
"Real-potato-y; good skin"
#4: McCain Shoestring
(Free, 14 min, 15 fries)
"Just the way I like 'em"
#5: The French Fryer
($2.00, 5 min, 400 fries)
"She knows her product"
#6: Burger King
($1.23, 12 min, 50 fries)
"Very similar to KFC"
#7: McDonalds
($1.23, 0 min, 50 fries)
"Real McFriggin Fresh"
#8: Dairy Queen
($1.66, 1 min, 50 fries)
"Nice texture; hot; doughy"
#9: The Zellers Restaurant
($1.70, 15 min, 100 fries)
"Greasy enough to hold salt"
#10: The Husky
($2.15, 8 mins, 400 fries)
"I'm getting full"
#11: Wendy's
($1.27, 1 min, 50 fries)
"Tastes like chicken balls"
#12: A&W
($1.29, 3 min, 50 fries)
"Anyone want the rest?"
#13: Mr. Sub
($1.56, 10 min, 100 fries)
"Tastes like steak/soggy shit"
#14: Arby's
($1.59, 2 min, 75 fries)
"Drying out as we speak"

The Loser: Reggie's
($1.55, 3 min, 30 fat fries)
These were without a doubt the worst fries imaginable. It was as though someone had found a crate of old B-Grade potatoes, cut them with a rusty knife, and deep fried them for 30 seconds in the same oil as the fish. You can't even say they tasted like fish: they tasted more like a fish's ass.

On the fifteenth day of Christmas, all over the city...

Fifteen fast food French fries,

fourteen bowls of chili,
thirteen weeks to go,
twelve hours of driving,
eleven parts to order,
ten seconds 'til midnight,
nine hours of TV,
eight errands to run,
seven bags of chips,
six rounds of Kart...
Five tubbin' hotties!
Four tons of gifts,
three nephews,
two busy bees,
and a big silly guy named Dean.

fresh and hot...



Burger King


can't say the same...

The way a French fry bag should look

The variety pack

The nastiest fries in town

Dean and his kitten mittens
more photos in the archive...

Current Location
(get out your push pins)

Thunder Bay, ON
see the full map...

Today's Weather:

Deep Fried Stats
Best:Swiss Chalet
Expensive:NY Fries
Longest Wait:McCain
Shortest:NYF, McD
Most:French Fryer
Least:Any Chain
Bribe Offered:BK

Sleeping Quarters

Only one more sleep!

Honourable Mentions:
Unfortunately, doing something like this on a Sunday caused a few of the most likely contenders to be unintentionally left out of the running. They were closed! And these were the places that would inspire an event like today's. You could write an epic poem about some of these fries.

But, alas, without a sample to compare, the most we can do is honour the following Thunder Bay establishments for their oustanding achievements in the art of clogging arteries:

Nipper's Takeout

Westfort Coney Island

Hodder Avenue Fries

(a.k.a. The Greeks)

We regret to inform you that you were not available to accept your award, but you come highly recommended.

Mom & Pop's
Road Stops

Mount Rushmore
We've got to hand it to them for going all the way to the top of this crazy monument to America's wigged heroes.
We hid out on
the bottom during Day 115.

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© 2002. Kevin Beimers and Aimee Lingman. Driving through to the first window.