day 49
the mall of america

"Dean, would you please stop taking your eye out of your head." -k.
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Ain't that America:
Number of Stores: 520
Entered: 19
Lunch: Hooters
Waitress: 34B
Perky: Not Really

Claim to Fame: One of five potential terrorist retaliation targets on the day we visited, according to the Star Tribune.

Strategically Placed Glass of the Day
Stores We Spent Time In:
1. Nordstrom
2. Hartfield & Company
3. Ragstock
4. Gamestop
5. Body Shop
6. Barbie/FAO Schwartz
7. Rock The Wall
8. Ultimate Zone
9. Barnes & Noble
10. Halloween Express
11. Gadzooks
12. Old Navy
13. Minnesot-Ah!
14. Calido Chile Traders
15. Hooters
16. Lego
17. Apple
18. Razz
19. The Sharper Image
Hey Look! Hot Guys!

This is Alex and Fue, a couple of HOT GUYS we met while cruising around the Mall. These HOT GUYS work at The Sharper Image. If you're ever in the Twin Cities area and are looking to hang with a couple of HOT GUYS, just call them up at 952-854-1200 and ask for the HOT GUYS.

Alex is my "cousin", which is why I was able to get an "employee discount" on our brand new toy, a car lighter port splitter. Priced at $19.99, I got it for only $14. Score! Thanks cuz!

MallRat RatRace
Oct 14 - Greetings, sports fans! It's a beautiful day down here at the Legoland Raceways, and today, we've got a doozy for you. Our three finalists are about to compete in the challenge of a lifetime. That's right... a no holds barred fight to the finish race against time cage match to end all battle royal rumbles.

Are you excited? I can't hear you!

Are you excited? I still can't hear you! What's that? Well, you damn well should be! Let's get ready to race!

The Rules: Each contestant must build a vehicle from the Legos provided. However, the one stipulation is that they are only allowed three standard lego wheels. Sound impossible? Let's meet our competitors.

Name: Kevin
Car: The Piercemaker

"This sucker's straight as an arrow, and just as fast. It'll put a hole in your car so fast you'll cross the finish line twice! Last and second last, that is! RAAAHHH!!!"

Name: Dean
Car: Doctor Claw

"It's lean, it's mean, and it's gonna lay the smack down on your puny crapmobiles. Yuh hear me?! Doctor Claw's about to get MAD! NYAAAHH!!!!"

Name: Aimee
Car: Captain Tractor

"You may laugh now, but you'll be crying later, when Captain Tractor plows your corny cars into the shredder. Get ready for harvest time! BLAAAHHH!!!"

Wow! What a cold hearted bunch of primitive wackos behind the wheels. Three wheels, that is. Who will win? I haven't been this excited since grandma got her beard caught in the outhouse door. Let's go to the video.

Click to watch!

Well, that didn't show us a darn thing except that Doctor Claw can survive a direct collision with a Sony Mavica Digital MPEGMovie Camera. That Dean is one tough bastard.

What's that? You want to know more about the eligible bachelor Dean? Not only is he one tough bastard, but he's nice and sweet and kind and lovable. And, he's looking for the right gal. Here's the skinny on hunky Dean...

Meet Dean Johnson: Firefighter, Superdad

Hometown: Thunder Bay, ON
Summer Occupation: MNR Firefighter Click for proof.
Winter Occupation: Karate Instructor
Year-Round Occupation: Dad
Car: Green family-sized sedan.
Boy's name: Matt (a.k.a. Goober)
Cute: As a button
Father or Son?: Both!
Best Qualities: Giggles like a madman when playing quake. Can crack your back really well. Knows the shortest route to every address in Thunder Bay. Like chick bands and books on CD. Is the only one of our friends who made the drive down to Minneapolis to see us. Can recognize obscure movie quotes.
Quirky Qualities: Sucks at Quake. Uses excessive amounts of salt. Likes Ally McBeal. Doesn't let his child eat junk food even though he scarfs it down himself. Tends to choke on things. Has a habit of subscribing to things using our address.
Crowning Achievement: Once put out a forest fire by himself.
Turn Ons: Athletic, tall leggy blondes with large chests. The Belinda Carlisle issue of Playboy. BooBerry Cereal.
Turn Offs: Women who play games.
Final Word: You've got to make the first move with this one, ladies. He's approachable, but he's not likely to be the one to do the chasing. Be bold.

scenes of dean...

The Adventurer

The Cereal Lover

Friend to Animals

The Decision Maker
more photos in the archive...

We've got mail...

But, i WON the Quake tournement... how can i be BAD at something im the CHAMPION of? Quake 2, i AM bad at so lets get that record straight... Ally McBeal, not so much, mostly star trek and buffy the vampire slayer nowadays... and can i get the other pictures of matt? prefferably at the highest quality possible... i really like that one there...
- Dean, Thunder Bay ON

Hey guys, this is that salesman from MN, I haven't seen my beautiful face on the page yet but it still rocks. The page is just so fun to look at (a lot more nudity would get you guys tons of hits) I've told my friends about it and they will be looking soon to see my amazingly hot self. I'll check back soon.
Thanks for the Chicken
- Alex, Minneapolis MN

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Current Location
(get out your push pins)

Minneapolis, MN

Next Stop: Duluth, MN

see the full map...

Today's Weather:
It's always nice at the mall!

Daily Stats
Gas: $0.00
Why? Took Dean's Car!

Parking: Free
Section: P3 West
A.K.A: Hawaii
Entrance: Nordstrom's

Sleeping Quarters
Ann Lake Campground

Site 20. Dean was better now that he knew the circumstances. He put on everything piece of clothing he had, then sealed himself into his sleeping bag for a toasty night's sleep.

Cost: $9.00

Twine Ball Inn
Darwin, MN
K's Order:Twine Ball Special, Coffee
A's Order:Biscuits n' Gravy, Coffee
D's Order:Bacon Omelette, Big Ass OJ
Mall of America
Split:50 Wings
Ann Lake
Shared:Leftover Wings

Your email address...

It has been 4 days since our last shower.
© 2001. Kevin Beimers and Aimee Lingman. Racing across America.