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MallRat RatRace
Oct 14 -
Greetings, sports fans! It's a beautiful day down here at the Legoland Raceways, and today, we've got a doozy for you.
Our three finalists are about to compete in the challenge of a lifetime. That's right... a no holds barred fight to the
finish race against time cage match to end all battle royal rumbles.
Are you excited? I can't hear you!
Are you excited? I still can't hear you! What's that? Well, you damn well should be! Let's get ready to race!
The Rules: Each contestant must build a vehicle from the Legos provided. However, the one stipulation is that they
are only allowed three standard lego wheels. Sound impossible? Let's meet our competitors.
Name: Kevin
Car: The Piercemaker
"This sucker's straight as an arrow, and just as fast. It'll put a hole in your car so fast you'll cross the finish line
twice! Last and second last, that is! RAAAHHH!!!"
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Name: Dean
Car: Doctor Claw
"It's lean, it's mean, and it's gonna lay the smack down on your puny crapmobiles. Yuh hear me?! Doctor Claw's about to get
MAD! NYAAAHH!!!!"
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Name: Aimee
Car: Captain Tractor
"You may laugh now, but you'll be crying later, when Captain Tractor plows your corny cars into the shredder. Get ready for
harvest time! BLAAAHHH!!!"
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Wow! What a cold hearted bunch of primitive wackos behind the wheels. Three wheels, that is. Who will win? I haven't been
this excited since grandma got her beard caught in the outhouse door. Let's go to the video.
Click to watch!
Well, that didn't show us a darn thing except that Doctor Claw can survive a direct collision with a Sony Mavica Digital MPEGMovie
Camera. That Dean is one tough bastard.
What's that? You want to know more about the eligible bachelor Dean? Not only is he one tough bastard, but he's nice and
sweet and kind and lovable. And, he's looking for the right gal. Here's the skinny on hunky Dean...
Meet Dean Johnson: Firefighter, Superdad
Hometown: Thunder Bay, ON
Summer Occupation: MNR Firefighter Click for proof.
Winter Occupation: Karate Instructor
Year-Round Occupation: Dad
Car: Green family-sized sedan.
Boy's name: Matt (a.k.a. Goober)
Cute: As a button
Father or Son?: Both!
Best Qualities: Giggles like a madman when playing quake. Can crack your back really well. Knows the shortest route to every address in Thunder Bay. Like chick bands and books on CD. Is the only one of our friends who made the drive down to Minneapolis to see us. Can recognize obscure movie quotes.
Quirky Qualities: Sucks at Quake. Uses excessive amounts of salt. Likes Ally McBeal. Doesn't let his child eat junk food even though he scarfs it down himself. Tends to choke on things. Has a habit of subscribing to things using our address.
Crowning Achievement: Once put out a forest fire by himself.
Turn Ons: Athletic, tall leggy blondes with large chests. The Belinda Carlisle issue of Playboy. BooBerry Cereal.
Turn Offs: Women who play games.
Final Word: You've got to make the first move with this one, ladies. He's approachable, but he's not likely to be the one to do the chasing. Be bold.
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We've got mail...
But, i WON the Quake tournement... how can i be BAD at something im the CHAMPION of? Quake 2, i AM bad at so
lets get that record straight... Ally McBeal, not so much, mostly star trek and buffy the vampire slayer
nowadays... and can i get the other pictures of matt? prefferably at the highest quality possible... i really
like that one there...
- Dean, Thunder Bay ON
Hey guys, this is that salesman from MN, I haven't seen my beautiful
face on the page yet but it still rocks. The page is just so fun to look
at (a lot more nudity would get you guys tons of hits) I've told my
friends about it and they will be looking soon to see my amazingly hot
self. I'll check back soon.
Thanks for the Chicken
- Alex, Minneapolis MN
Drop us a note!
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 Today's Weather:
It's always nice at the mall!
| Sleeping Quarters |
Ann Lake Campground
  
Site 20. Dean was better now that he knew the circumstances. He put on everything piece of clothing he had, then sealed himself into his sleeping bag for a toasty night's sleep.
Cost: $9.00
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Bkfast:
 | Twine Ball Inn
Darwin, MN |
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| K's Order: | Twine Ball Special, Coffee |
| A's Order: | Biscuits n' Gravy, Coffee |
| D's Order: | Bacon Omelette, Big Ass OJ |
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| Cost: | $14.89 |
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Lunch:
  | Hooters
Mall of America |
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| Split: | 50 Wings |
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| Cost: | $28.19 |
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Dinner:
| Campground
Ann Lake |
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| Shared: | Leftover Wings |
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