day 76
fort lauderdale, florida

"I swear, she was lying on her back and her breasts were still
out past her chin." -bruce.
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Fort Lauderdale:
Latitude: 26.2N
Longitude: 80.2W
Elevation: 8 ft
Land Area: 31 sq.mi.
Population: 150,000
Area Code: 954

Claim to Fame: Home town of the boy in Disney's hit film "Flight of the Navigator."

Up-and-Coming Franchise Idea of the Day
Where There's Bruce, There's Movies
Saw two movies today... two for the price of one, that is. Hoo hoo, we're so sneaky!

The One was about what I expected. I knew very little going in, and as it turns out, I knew very little coming out as well. From a pure special effects angle, it was great. Jet Li was, as always, poetry to watch. Storywise? Enh. The story was kind of like Timecop, and as we all remember, that was a piece of absolute poo. But, it kept me interested, and was unique enough to be cool.

The second one we slid into, ten minutes late but worth the price, was Monsters Inc., the new release by Disney/Pixar. We're all big fans of animation, and I'll tell you, this movie was phenomenal. Brilliant story, excellent animation, can't be beat. The action sequences in this movie, honestly, were more exciting than in The One. Bravo, Pixar! You've done it again!

So, overall:

The One:


Get Stuffed
Nov 10 - So there's Bruce and I, cruising around South Florida in his little SUV, trying to score some chicks. We left Aimee at home, because obviously you can't score chicks with a chick in the car.

We hit the Aventura Mall, because everybody knows chicks dig shopping. We hung out in the food court for a while, hoping to score some chicks next to the ice cream place (because chicks dig ice cream too). Then we thought, what else do chicks dig? That's right! Teddy bears.

And whoa, like, right there in the center of the mall, was the chickinest digginest teddy bear store of all time: Build-a-Bear. With a gimmick like this, how could you not score! I mean, dude, you like, build your own bear and stuff! This place was awesome! Here's the breakdown, since you missed it...

Step 1: Choose A Bear
If you're a cheap bastard like me, you can get your standard bear-looking bear for $10. You want puppies and kittens and baby elephants? It'll be a little more. Here's the clincher though: They're empty! They're just dead flattened husks of their future selves! That's where you come in.

Step 2: Give it a Voice
Squeeze me, I talk! There's a giggle, kiss, "I wuv you", and even a monkey shriek, but here's the winner: you can record your own sound. I'll make mine say, "Hey chick, you dig teddy bears right? Sure you do, 'cause you're a chick. Now, let's get busy."

Step 3: Give it a Heart
Here's the sappy stuff that chicks dig the most. Choose a heart from the heart bin, and to show your love for your chick, stuff it up the bear's ass.

Step 4: Stuff It
See that hole? That's where the fluff goes. There's a fluff machine if you're lazy like me, or you can head to the Stuffiteria buffet table. Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Step 5: The Stuffiteria Buffet Table
Custom stuffing to stuff your chick magnet. The Stuffiteria has any kind of stuffing you could ever want... kindness fluff, love fluff, friendship fluff or any other fluff that will help you score.

Step 6: Fluff It
Now that you've stuffed it with fluff, you can fluff it with smelly stuff. Give your bear a good wash and fluff so it doesn't smell like you, because that's what's really holding you back from scoring.

Step 7: Name It
Here's a good trick to score with chicks. When it's time to name your bear, don't call it Snuggly or Sniffy or Wuggles. That's just sad. Give it the name "After You". This way, when she asks what the bear's name is, you can reply "I named it After You" and she'll melt in your arms.

Step 8: Dress It Up
Here's another good trick: chicks dig cops and firemen. And Build-A-Bear just so happens to have a fireman outfit for your bear. So if you really want her to dig you, make it a fireman and give it your own name.

And bam! Just like that, you've got a fireman bear named After You that says "Hey chick, you dig teddy bears right? Sure you do, 'cause you're a chick. Now, let's get busy." You're unstoppable! Maybe someday, you be as good as me, and you'll even be able to score a chick like this!

Ha! Not a chance! Back off, fellas, she's all mine!

Current Location
(get out your push pins)

Fort Lauderdale

Next Stop: Miami

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Today's Weather:
Every Day Is Beautiful In Florida

Daily Stats
Distance:0 km
Gas: $0.00
Because: Bruce drove

Sleeping Quarters
Bruce's Place

Got a great sleep!

c/o Einstein Bagels
Kevin:Asagio Cheese Bagel with Tomato Basil CC
Aimee:Pumpkin Bagel with butter
Bruce:Blueberry Bagel with Tom/Bas CC
Rascal House
Just off A1A
K's Order:Pastrami Sandwich
B's Order:Grilled Salami Sandwich, Fries
c/o Rascal House
Aimee:The other half of Kevin's pastrami sandwich

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© 2001. Kevin Beimers and Aimee Lingman. Forget about your worries and your strife.